St. Valentine's Self-Refutation

Spring is nearly upon us and love is in the air; young romantics search for ways to express their emotions to the objects of their affections. We have been socialized to concentrate our caring gestures and loving attitudes on one particular day: Valentine’s Day. This day has been marked as the ultimate day to show love, give gifts and remember those whom we truly care for.

The problem, though, is that people give gifts, love and attention because it is expected. Marking a specific period of time (in this case, a day) to show close friends, family and significant others love and attention takes away from the meaning of that gesture. It’s like the concept of free will in love, similar to how God gives humanity free will to choose: if one is forced or expected to show love or care, are there they truly showing their feelings? Or are they simply following dictated trends and commands?

Take, for example, the husband who buys his wife flowers one day as a surprise. Undoubtedly, she would thank him and be filled with joy and love at the thought of this sweet gesture. The next week, the husband returns with another floral gift; bouquets begin to follow the husband home on a regular, weekly basis. Soon, the wife will begin to expect the husband to repeat these gestures – people are creatures of habit, both internally and externally – and at this point two things will happen. The wife will no longer be impressed with the husband’s displays of affection (they are routine, after all- what’s so special about something that happens day in and day out?), and if the husband should neglect to bring his weekly romantic gestures, the wife will naturally assume that something is amiss in their relationship; something must have caused him to change his behavior. Constant, returning gestures of romance, while promoted as ideal, are in reality self-destructive.

The other issue with Valentine’s Day is the materialism. Today’s capitalist society has told the Western populace that, in general, the most significant way to show love and devotion is to buy the loved party materials gifts, or purchase services offered by themed promoters. In essence, we must buy the love we show others; to do otherwise is considered cheap or uncaring.

Now, I’m not saying not to buy gifts for loved ones, and I’m certainly not saying that showering loved ones with gifts, care and attention is wrong; indeed, love is a constantly evolving, action-based state. I have dated my girlfriend for almost 15 months; I constantly show my love for her with acts, deeds and gifts with random surprises and gestures of affection (I love you, Kelsey). But to devote one particular day to romance – to expect romance – is essentially a self-refuting concept.